i do miss him....

hmph

before you do nething you have to know where you headed... or where you want to be..
you have to know your destination... if you dont know your destintation... you wont know how to get there
- said by the guy i kinda dig on


so maybe im too young to understand what i should do... but on the other side. im old enough to know better... it's time for a change...the efforts i put forth is no where near enough...
so maybe im not readdy for that upper level nething... im not ready for myself... how are people so sure of themselves... just get it together he says
i hate that man cause i cant love him... but i cant love him cause supposedly i dont try?

hmph....

tear

i love my hair from ever curl to every misguided straight strand
i love my body from every curve to every misplaced dark pigmentation
i love my soul from every ecentric qualitiy to every straight moral
and i love my heart from every empathetic motin to every killing instinct
-gw


it seems to me that im the definition of perfect imperfection and i love everyminute of it
i love how i get when im uncomfertable but no one can ever tell it but my sister my mom or my boyfriend at the time.... and i love how my boyfriend at the time is so intimate with me [and i dont mean sexually] that he can feel my emotion without me moving or saying nething... my emotion just radiates to him... it's something about being close to people that allows you to feel that sensation of knowing them internally

that is all.... for now

i cant believe that everything i've ever wanted has been thrown into my court... its just waiting on my to turn it into my dreams

the crush of the century- i have his number... what do i do with that

my first love- he's about to blow up.... and he wants me with him... where do i go

my first...- he's in my lifee....again... where do i go

the first guy to just hold me and pull on me and follow me like im the only girl he wants- why are we so close so fast

the first time i decided to do something for myself- why am i so scared now that im trying to make it happen

the man who loves me.... he wants me....

i killed it
he killed me
she killed us
my life has died
from the dirt i come up a diffrent person
but my soul never changed and never will
so to that im still in love, im still true... i miss him already,,,

i hate the movie baby boy

why??? i know it's such a good movie....

it's just

i depicts every aspect of my screwed up life... and i hate it

baby boy- j real

baby girl- your truley

child- angeles... no longer existent

extra sideline.... extra sidebaby....extra drama

the whole dam movie is my life right now

i mean dammit he looks just like him i look like her... he loves me i love him. i put up with his shit he puts up with mine... i hit him he would probably hit me back.... i hate this...

hmph

well see

next friday is the moment of truth

.... and he'll be right there beside me... no telling what will happen after that... i just know

that i'll always love him with all my heart... he has a special part of me with him always

i wanna cry

dammit i wanna cry

i cant even write

i love him sooooo much...

what we had was almost perfect... but God he dosnt like perfection, he prefers imperfection and we got to close to the perfect so he took my perfect away from me....

im sooo hurt....

but i got to let it go, because i cant have that perfection... but i will always have that james bond

always

he will always have my heart...[ and i know i say this about everyone]

but.... he really and truley will never leave my mind or my soul...

- the ex wife

poetry

love is a made up word an ideology

but the things that surround it are soo real

life is a place of twist and turns a chuttes and ladder game of play

i hate you love

i hate everything surrounding you

i love myself