i do miss him....

hmph

before you do nething you have to know where you headed... or where you want to be..
you have to know your destination... if you dont know your destintation... you wont know how to get there
- said by the guy i kinda dig on


so maybe im too young to understand what i should do... but on the other side. im old enough to know better... it's time for a change...the efforts i put forth is no where near enough...
so maybe im not readdy for that upper level nething... im not ready for myself... how are people so sure of themselves... just get it together he says
i hate that man cause i cant love him... but i cant love him cause supposedly i dont try?

hmph....

tear

i love my hair from ever curl to every misguided straight strand
i love my body from every curve to every misplaced dark pigmentation
i love my soul from every ecentric qualitiy to every straight moral
and i love my heart from every empathetic motin to every killing instinct
-gw


it seems to me that im the definition of perfect imperfection and i love everyminute of it
i love how i get when im uncomfertable but no one can ever tell it but my sister my mom or my boyfriend at the time.... and i love how my boyfriend at the time is so intimate with me [and i dont mean sexually] that he can feel my emotion without me moving or saying nething... my emotion just radiates to him... it's something about being close to people that allows you to feel that sensation of knowing them internally

that is all.... for now

i cant believe that everything i've ever wanted has been thrown into my court... its just waiting on my to turn it into my dreams

the crush of the century- i have his number... what do i do with that

my first love- he's about to blow up.... and he wants me with him... where do i go

my first...- he's in my lifee....again... where do i go

the first guy to just hold me and pull on me and follow me like im the only girl he wants- why are we so close so fast

the first time i decided to do something for myself- why am i so scared now that im trying to make it happen

the man who loves me.... he wants me....

i killed it
he killed me
she killed us
my life has died
from the dirt i come up a diffrent person
but my soul never changed and never will
so to that im still in love, im still true... i miss him already,,,

i hate the movie baby boy

why??? i know it's such a good movie....

it's just

i depicts every aspect of my screwed up life... and i hate it

baby boy- j real

baby girl- your truley

child- angeles... no longer existent

extra sideline.... extra sidebaby....extra drama

the whole dam movie is my life right now

i mean dammit he looks just like him i look like her... he loves me i love him. i put up with his shit he puts up with mine... i hit him he would probably hit me back.... i hate this...

hmph

well see

next friday is the moment of truth

.... and he'll be right there beside me... no telling what will happen after that... i just know

that i'll always love him with all my heart... he has a special part of me with him always

i wanna cry

dammit i wanna cry

i cant even write

i love him sooooo much...

what we had was almost perfect... but God he dosnt like perfection, he prefers imperfection and we got to close to the perfect so he took my perfect away from me....

im sooo hurt....

but i got to let it go, because i cant have that perfection... but i will always have that james bond

always

he will always have my heart...[ and i know i say this about everyone]

but.... he really and truley will never leave my mind or my soul...

- the ex wife

poetry

love is a made up word an ideology

but the things that surround it are soo real

life is a place of twist and turns a chuttes and ladder game of play

i hate you love

i hate everything surrounding you

i love myself

i forgot about loving me for a minute now I'm not sure how i love you
are you worth me staying up every night thinking about you
are you worth my pain, because i now know that no matter how in love i am with you their is no longer an us
the idea of a we is non existent
are you worth my tears my sorrow my drowning rain
are u worth it
i think your worth the trouble but I'm not willing to give my all to make that trouble OK...
you see
because I'm not worth the trouble to your anymore i am no longer your first, second, third, fourth priority
i am your last... and if I'm not worth it
why should you be
right..
because, i love you... crazy in love with you, cant sleep without wishing it was you my armed was cuddled around instead of my stuffed moose
crying cause i haven't touched your skin or felt your warmth.. or woke up mad cause you jacked all the covers and I'm freezing
no.. i now know what it feels like to be caged in ones own prison I'm stuck now that i know i wont have you in my life
and... i cant be your friend
I've tried with every single one of my exes i love them too much
i always come back to wishing it was still more.. and all it is , is our original friendship
tell me why i cant sleep Aubrey...
tell me why i cant think
tell me why nothing right now really matters
it is because u came and showed me a world i wasn't accustomed to
showed me how to see the reall niggas from the fake ones
how to call them on their bullshyt
how to break out of my own shell and be spontaneous
or is it because no ones ever touched me the way you have
caressed me gently or ruff me up hard
do me dirty but oh so good
made me feel my worse and best and be completely honest with me
or maybe cause your the only one who's touched me more than once
uggg annoyed i am
... maybe its the fact that I've seen you at your lowest point and i stuck through cause i cared about you.. and now that i love you and your going through something
else i cant just leave you alone.
maybe it's my empathetic qualities or the fact that my strength had somehow wrapped into your being
and maybe its cause I'm a plum fool in love
.... yeah that's what is
why do your treat me like you do when your such a good man
...and
why
am
i
still
hanging
on
to
you
when
you
have a kid a family, that shouldn't be my letting go point
what the hell is wrong with me
is it cause i know how men who get with their offspring's mother relationships turn out
i. e . my parents
.... or maybe my problem is i know where you come from and how you where brought i know you would wanna do right
wich would leave no room for me
im a sideline
and it's a shame it took all of this for you to tell me you love me when you know i've loved u for months
you knew i was in love with you a long time ago
you said it yourself
if anything were to happen to you i'd be devastated
and i am
...
ill try not to cry

poetry


my work here is far from through
i cant just stop my self from loving you
your soft skin, your ruff hands, your aged mined , your gentle eyes
i cant seem to shake my fickle feelings and fickle feelings i do possesses
for one minute i cant trust your the next im your bottem bitch
for some reason i have your back and even tho im sane
i seem like such a crazy person with every thought, speech, and sound of your name
it's like a drug a spell a charm you put on me i overdose on your smile...
and even though i havent seen you im never in denial
you see i know im in your heart
and you know that your in mine
i know that in my mind im right
... but
maybe i should let you go baby you never really belonged to me
to your baby to your seed to your music to these streets thats where you ought to be
so i figure why not give him up it's only the right thing to do...
aubrey jerrel smith i cant do that im so in love with you
and i dont think ill love this way again cause it's so raw like crack
and even if i tried i wouldnt want this back
baby, daddy, od whatever your want me to call you no one does it like you
no one talks to me stupid and gets away with it
no one tells me what i dont want to hear and im cool wit it
no one challenges me intellectually...
and i dont understand why...
i hate that it's time to say goodbye...

thats my word
-girlwonder

eh love!

over reaction
is the reaction of overzelousness
and i believe ive been over reacting
... what can i say
im in love

nuff said

continuation

and i was right in saying so, triflen hoes, and hood niggas.. the way welfare checks are made... ugg
shoot me now so i can be with God and laugh at these petty goones and their bitches
so i can spite them who am i....who is she
this is almost like a ghetto ass confessions

"baby this is some hard shit to have to tell you"
"i have a baby by girl i used to know"

wow


poetry try


its like the feeling when the sun dosnt shine
living in alaska for thirty days of night
it's like having fun and not knowing is fun
it's like being put in a box for 30 years
the price of pain is priceless but the cause of pain is ignorance
the world dosnt make since so my words shouldnt make sense
what i love shouldnt be wrong shouldt make huge misttakes
and how i feel shoud contradict my mind

fuck um all

profanity is just great profane

you can make me happy but you gotta love me like my daddy

- jhene

i cant keep this up... i cant keep following behind a idea and not doing nething about it
fuck what a man thinks is love, i know how to feel
forget what he has going on... bussiness is not constriting on saying hi, how are you doing, gotta go babe
it's just that simple time is not the problem, physical is not the problem, its the fact that i do not exist
so i say

fuck him...

thank you blog god

i find my self writting every chance i get i love to write inspirational blogs
amazing how that works im now doing two a day.. now all i gotta do is get someone to read it lol
and ill infect the world


another try at poetic justice
tears
as the girlwonder
salt filed drops like a tiny spec of seawater stains her face
her eyes buldge with dryness, they burn with pain, they're vivid with the color of wine
an oxymoron cold warmth.

she knows nothing of pain, she knows nothing of hurt, she knows nothing of let down
no, she is all too numb, this is last

she tries to remain open, she tries to stay focused, she tries to be man hungry
her attempt at male manerisms backfires... more lost she is,..
an oxymoron the blurred focus

she's tries to stay away from love, it's only magnified pain
she tries to understand her self , love her self, so that she can return the feeling
an oxymoron the pain feels good, it never hurt

she tries to put a word on a explanationless emotion
she tries to change
she tries to not controdict her self but she's always the moron
she's always the pained
she is always a woman
she will always be emotion filled
she will always cry
she will always have tears

- end

hmpherz

burst of tears, now he's fightin in class, you aint never pick him up, see his problem is he dont know where his poppa his, he dont deserve to get used to that, mommy that aint your job. you know the world is out to get me why dont you give me a chance...

I cant

I wont

I cant

I wont

let you leave

i dont

know what

you want

From me

- lupe fiasco he say she say

I say he's a distant love, he says he's unsure

I insist on my feeling, he cant trust the opposite sex

we happen to be cancers, so we happen to be sensitive

we happen to know each other back handwise

we happen to be reclusive

I say theres no love in sex, he says theirs no sex without love

i insist that he's confused, he cant trust his emotions

i happen to know a man will never express his true feelings

he happens to have the gangster image

i happen to know i might never know how he really feels

i happen to be annoyed by that

...... no dammit... no structure i say im in love and it's the truth

and if he can't see it without me saying it , maybe he shouldn't

it feels so right when his body's laying next to mine

feels soo right when my heads on his lung caged drum.

his poetic essence is that much more appealing,

it kills me that i can't love him the way i want to

he cant treat me the way i want him to

that we come from two diffrent places and

we may never be on common ground

but... we get each other

he happens to appeal to the inner senses of

my brain and i happen to know im in his mind...

hmph i say... cause i happen to be confused

he says will you be in love with me i say i dont know

because i dont want to let him know i am

i insist he balance out me with him....

he insists on doing him... i insist on allowing it

i happen to know im the only person that would put up

with his bull,except for the cat from wich he came,

i happen to know he'll be comming home to me...

or maybe he wont... but im too patient so i wait,

im what they call down

GirlWonder

i mean really

Fashion is more about feel than science.

- pharrell william

I'm tired of walking out of my resident hall, going to the mall, going to the club and seeing these cookie cuters. these people that cant function without being a copy of someone else... the damn matching belts with the matching shoes and matching colored shoes.... don't get me wrong... by all means.. wear those beautiful colored accesories.. but please PLEASE for the sake of the people and for the sake of originality... make your own batch of cookies... add a pinch of brown sugar to your regular sugar.. throw in too many chocolate chips let the cookies cook for a little less time.. give it that extra creeamy taste... drink milk when you lactose intolerant... in other words blend.. in others words challegne your self. challenge others immune system make them look because your crazy.. make them crazy caue their looks don't phase you but please dont blend in... stand out... be like that one black person in a pretty white crowd... be beautiful =) be yourself be awesome, but dont be a loser conformist... TO YOU CONFORMIST I STRONGLY DISLIKE YOU

-GIRLWONDERinc

ps. kids collecting thousand dollar art, 20,000 play houses...

what the duece man!

first to start

So basically i figure creativity is not creative with the constrictions of grammer mechanics.. therefore, I'll never use them right. eff your constrictions world.

the life of a girlwonder is a hard one and to start out with i would like to point out the fact

that:

1, a blog is not a life story

2. life is not so hard when you know how to play

3. creativity is not created

4. bullshit is not heriditary

5. all members of the opposite sex suck at some point and time

Birth is the begining